Regrets

I wish I could have a do-over at life. I would have gotten my college degree in something I was passionate about and not let fear guide me to a “safe” option. I would have pursued help for my mental health earlier so that I didn’t suffer as long and have it take its toll on my friendships, marriage, and motherhood. I would have pushed harder and sooner to get the best help for my son’s many life-long struggles.

My experience occurred almost 40 years ago. This is the first time I’ve ever mentioned it in any way. I was 6 or 7 years old, and my best friend was 4 or 5.

Our neighbors were close-knit.

We all felt like family. As kids, we loved hanging out with the adults, too, sometimes. One man, who always gave us kids his time, lived nearby. He’d let us help him garden and set traps for the moles. He’d create woodwork items for us. He taught us how to bird watch, and he’d be our guide as we hiked in the forest behind the houses…

My life got flipped–turned upside down, and it’s not the first time.

This past year of 2019–2020, my priorities shifted out of necessity. For survival. My depression and anxiety have been a constant battle. Over a year ago, I went through a divorce after 20+ years of marriage.

With that, came many changes. I accepted a job far away from all my family and friends. I moved, and took one of the three dogs with me. Harold became my emotional support. However, I became unemployed again, as many have during the pandemic. I did find another job, but it doesn’t pay enough to support myself. Therefore, I have moved back in with…

Over the years, mine has told me…

• You can’t.
• You’re not good enough.
• You’ll never amount to anything.
• People just tolerate you.
• You have no real friends.
• You’re not lovable.
• Life is pointless.

These are dangerous assertions, especially for someone who struggles with depression. Unfortunately, those struggling with depression have these thoughts more often and tend to more easily believe them. Fight back. Finding ways to quiet the mind and to redirect thoughts are important. Practicing meditation or metacognition to aid in cognitive restructuring are remarkably beneficial.

Failing ≠ Failure

Just because you may fail at something, doesn’t mean you can’t succeed. Giving up should not be an option. Reality…

People screw up, mistakes are made.

I believe each day — or even each moment — one can start anew. Do better, be better. I believe in second chances.

My 2nd Chance at Life.

I was twenty years old, on my way to work, when I drove through an intersection with the permission of a green light. A cement mixer, failing to pay attention, barreled from the other direction and collided with the driver’s side of my car…resulting in my car taking flight and my consciousness being taken away.

Social Media Celebrations

Social media feeds are filled with end-of-the-school-year photos of smiling students holding awards, graduating, sharing their A’s and B’s with the world, and other joyous moments that come along with making it through another academic year.

Celebrating the Others

This is for the others…whose biggest achievement was actually making it through the school year:

To the child with crippling anxiety, I see your bravery as you face all that comes your way.

To the child battling depression, I see how hard you’re trying to hold it together.

To the child unable to focus no matter how you try, I see your struggle.

To…

We’ve all heard it or have said it:

I’m so stressed/worried/frustrated that I’m pulling my hair out!

My son suffers from trichotillomania.

What a freakin’ long word.

(trik-o-til-o-MAY-nee-uh)

For those of you who don’t suffer from this, it is the compulsion to pull your hair out. Oftentimes, it is due to anxiety…and sometimes the sufferer has a history of OCD. Only 1–2% of adults and adolescents even have this condition; my son won this jackpot.

In the Beginning

It first began in early 2015 when he was a 6th grader. …

My Truth

I became a mental health awareness advocate due to my own struggles with severe depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. When my situation finally began to improve (with the help of a psychiatrist and proper medication), I became involved in fundraising for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). I wanted to help others and let them know they do not struggle alone. I also began advocating and fighting the stigma of mental illness via my blog and social media.

Even still, I struggle, but I feel I have more purpose by helping others in similar situations. This has not proven…